I Don’t Mind

Hi All. I’m sorry it’s been so damn long since I’ve last updated this blog. This post itself has taken me a couple weeks to create as well. (Was supposed to have it done in March). There’s been quite a lot going on in my life. Some of it cool, plenty of it less than such. That seems to be pretty much par for the course though. I know I haven’t been quiet, but it doesn’t mean I haven’t been working. So let’s get down to the nitty-gritty, shall we?

Gamedev

Okay — So here’s what’s been going down. I think I already talked about it before but back in late 2018, I decided to put Unity aside to focus on Unreal. There’s some features I prefer much more in Unreal over Unity. Since I’m doing a 3D project, I won’t be missing out on the juicy 2D functionality of Unity. It’s been a real trip too. I’ve made a pinball game, stealth first person shooter (with multiplayer!), and an top down action survival game. I’m currently finishing up my final project, which is a multiplayer third person shooter, then I will be devoting myself full time to Adventure Tails. If I’m going to have a multiplayer game, then I guess I better learn a bit about proper network code to make it a pleasant experience for my people.

It’s been great though, I do have the very base of Adventure Tails ready to go. Got the initial version in source control as well as the base stats all ready to go for both the players and enemies (they share the same base class and then both diverge to their own classes holding the stats necessary for each object). I’ve also got a bit of the code done for the materials, as we are going cell shaded using some nifty effects (Two meshes on top of each-other, one blacked out and slightly enlarge to give the appearance of drawn black lines)

But that’s that. We are about ready to pitch our game to Unreal in hopes of winning grant money out of their huge yearly event. Cross your fingers, people. If that succeeds we will be able to pour some resources and real time and get things going quickly! Until then I’ll continue to work my ass off and update everyone as much as possible. I’m lucky to have the talented team of folk that I do. They are making some great models (like that friendly slime up top).

Music

Okay this one is going to be really fast. First off, I have headphones in my ears 24/7. I can’t live without music. My favorite song-on-repeat right now is kind of dark and basic, but I absolutely love it. Bury a Friend by Billie Eilish. That girl is gonna have a bright future in front of her, I’ll tell you what. The lyrics are dark and powerful, and I resonate with them on so many levels. Give it a listen here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HUHC9tYz8ik

Anxiety

It wouldn’t be a post from me if I didn’t talk about my problems too. It’s always somewhat of an uphill battle, trying to deal with my full time work, as well as juggling my game dev life, and other things. I’ve been able to just push forward though, I just have to keep my head busy pretty much 24/7. It was a little tough at first, but I’ve gotten used to it. What makes things the most difficult though is just the feeling of something important just kind of… absent. It’s like walking down a flight of stairs, and you think there should be JUST one more, but it’s not there, and you just kind of trip over yourself. That’s how it feels inside my head and heart most days. That last step is never there, but I keep going for it. It happens when i hear a new song I love, or when I discover a new meme, or accomplish something great. There’s just this piece of emptiness to it, and it’s always there. It sucks, but what the hell else can I do? I’m just going to capture all the sparks that I can and do my best to burn brightly for those who care about me. Some days it’s really hard, but goddamn I do try. No one is going to want me around if I’m burned out and empty. Besides, according to some, I’d be doing the world a disservice if I forget how great I can be.