Where Is My Mind?

Panda and Henny
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You know, I’ve been putting this off a while. I’ve had the domain for half a year, just setup the website a few weeks ago, and I’m just NOW writing this damn post.

“Yeah, okay. Well what kind of blog is this then, Panda?”, asked no-one. Well, great! Let me tell you. I’m a part-time game developer who has a full time IT profession, I’m an avid fan of music, animals and nature. I love to explore, cook, sing, lift heavy things, and love. That’s really the purpose of the blog. To share these experiences with my friends and family, and whomever else happens to stumble upon my life.

First off, I feel like I’ve written this post a thousand times in a thousand different blogs. A couple weeks ago, I found some of my old content, and was reading through it with someone who is very special to me. I’ve pretty much been doing the same thing for years, trying to find a way forward.

I won’t lie, it was a bit of a mind-breaker, and a dip in morale. Have I really been seeking the same things for over 15 years? Damn. So, I’ve been panicking a bit. Am I just stuck on a treadmill here?

The answer is no.

Sure, I haven’t grown everywhere I’ve wanted. But I have in many aspects. I have an amazing career. I’ve learned a couple instruments. I’ve worked on a retail game. I’ve seen a lot of great wilderness. I’ve made some amazing friends who have stuck by me throughout the years. I’ve grown, in pain and in happiness. But the most important thing — I’ve always found a way to move forward. Sometimes I’ve wanted to quit, and to be honest, I’ve almost done so a few times. But I have this small voice in the back of my mind that will not let me accept defeat no matter what.

In this last year, something has changed in me, that voice isn’t so quiet anymore. It’s more driving. I’ve purged those who have done nothing but take from me.  I’ve started to cast aside the crutches that I’ve used to hobble along in life with. I had dug a hole for myself, and was beginning to lay down in it, but the voice stopped me. I haven’t crawled out, I jumped out.

So here I am, back at it with my antics. Expect to see more here soon as I work on my current game (which I can’t talk about in detail due to NDA), and as I reclaim the broken parts of my life (I quit drinking, I’ve lost 40+ pounds, I’ve begun exploring the PNW. I picked up my instruments again) look forward to some posts about the journey.

Thank you for taking the time to stop by and read!

(P.S. Special shout out to Henny. You may have met me while my journey has already started, but you inspire me daily to put everything I have into what I do)

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